December 6, 2020: Big Shit Don

 

“Every morning at nine you could see him arrive 

he stood six-foot-one and weighed three-forty-five

kind of narrow at the brow and broad at the hip

and we could tell from the stench, he was nothin' but shit

big Don

big Don

big shit Don

They say Mar-a-Lago is where Don called home

he just drifted into town and stayed all alone

But he couldn't keep his mouth shut, surely not shy

and if you got a word in, you just said 'hi' to big Don

Somebody said he came from New York's Queens

and the family inheritance became quickly lean

and a crashing blow in his bankrupt hands

sent the New York swine in search of foreign lands

big Don

big Don

big shit Don

Then came that day at the bottom of his mine

when a timber cracked and men started crying

people were praying and hearts beat fast

and everybody feared that they'd breathed their last 'cept Don

Through the dust and smoke of his man-made hell

slinked the ignorant pig that the people knew well

grabbed a list of grievance, let out with a groan

and like a beaten cur, just sat there and moaned 

big Don

big Don

Bunker Boy Don

When suddenly from high up above,

came studderin' Joe with a mighty shove

and twenty men scrambled from a would-be grave

and now there's only one left down there to save

Big Don

With jacks and timbers they started back down

then came that rumble way down in the ground

As raging lies belched out of that mine

everybody knew it was the end of the line for Big Don

Now they never re-opened that worthless pit

they just placed a stone slab on top of it

and on that slab are written these few words:

'At the bottom of this hole lies a big, big turd'

Big Don

Big Don

Big Shit Don

Big Don

____

Many thanks to someone calling himself “mountain man Mike” who published a parody of Jimmy Dean's “Big John” on YouTube. I've changed the lyrics a bit.